








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 579 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 456 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7638 | 36% |
| Smokes | 4914 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5159 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3560 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $941,532 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 562 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | "Smoky2k" | 88% | 43 |
| #2 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 81% | 205 |
| #3 | ymcmb | 80% | 257 |
| #4 | psykosage | 79% | 282 |
| #5 | lunar | 79% | 276 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | UmLungu | 76% | 99 |
| #8 | King Slayer | 74% | 106 |
| #9 | joel | 72% | 53 |
| #10 | InSAniTy | 64% | 28 |
| #11 | Bernz | 57% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lunar | 38 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 35 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | psykosage | 31 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | ymcmb | 17 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | King Slayer | 11 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lunar | 1279 | 0.23 | 34 min |
| #2 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 726 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #3 | ymcmb | 565 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #4 | King Slayer | 381 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | shibobo | 306 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | "Smoky2k" | +3.39 | 75 | 70 |
| #2 | psykosage | +2.96 | 82 | 43 |
| #3 | Prophecy | +2.60 | 72 | 70 |
| #4 | lunar | +2.42 | 82 | 75 |
| #5 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | +1.72 | 77 | 70 |





