








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 104 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 933 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 298 | 32% |
| Smokes | 275 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 213 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 147 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $145,850 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Quinnjo | 50% | 26 |
| #8 | MJL1BS | 43% | 23 |
| #9 | DukeWish | 41% | 32 |
| #10 | LilKonky4405 | 30% | 10 |
| #11 | ArmoredFarmer1993 | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quinnjo | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | MJL1BS | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | LilKonky4405 | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DukeWish | 100 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #2 | Quinnjo | 65 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Real Dan Cooper 1971 | 31 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | RushedOrange333 | 21 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | LilKonky4405 | 11 | 0.06 | 0 min |





