








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 333 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 505 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3482 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3098 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4230 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3655 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,096,822 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lumber | 57% | 93 |
| #2 | WDT | 54% | 70 |
| #3 | baker | 54% | 76 |
| #4 | Blaze | 49% | 184 |
| #5 | dis is y im hot u aint cuz u not | 47% | 251 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | OhJay | 47% | 254 |
| #8 | John Globson | 47% | 214 |
| #9 | Blainezy | 45% | 31 |
| #10 | Medik | 44% | 61 |
| #11 | ike^.- | 41% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OhJay | 20 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | baker | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | dis is y im hot u aint cuz u not | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Blaze | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Lumber | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dis is y im hot u aint cuz u not | 885 | 0.17 | 21 min |
| #2 | John Globson | 680 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #3 | OhJay | 672 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #4 | Lumber | 410 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #5 | 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓽𝔂 ᴍ4ᴋ | 220 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WDT | +4.54 | 87 | 56 |
| #2 | Blaze | +2.91 | 76 | 60 |
| #3 | OhJay | +1.63 | 65 | 65 |
| #4 | ike^.- | +1.45 | 85 | 64 |
| #5 | Lumber | +0.82 | 65 | 77 |





