








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 521 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3316 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2974 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3335 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2346 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $910,742 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Volibear | 50% | 123 |
| #2 | The Wicked Wall | 48% | 198 |
| #3 | II.Steez | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | bloodfarts | 47% | 278 |
| #5 | Floor Goblin | 46% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | bloodfarts | 47% | 278 |
| #5 | Floor Goblin | 46% | 80 |
| #6 | Solid Kuk | 45% | 198 |
| #7 | Wiz | 43% | 183 |
| #8 | Qualliano | 28% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Wicked Wall | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Solid Kuk | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Volibear | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | bloodfarts | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Floor Goblin | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Solid Kuk | 819 | 0.19 | 27 min |
| #2 | bloodfarts | 396 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | Volibear | 334 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | The Wicked Wall | 289 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | Wiz | 141 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nikz | +1.53 | 79 | 63 |
| #2 | Qualliano | +0.27 | 74 | 36 |
| #3 | Volibear | -0.04 | 80 | 60 |
| #4 | The Wicked Wall | -0.06 | 75 | 59 |
| #5 | bloodfarts | -0.09 | 75 | 61 |





