








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1198 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 627 matches | ||
| Faceit | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,994 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6828 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7431 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6759 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 6976 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,181,909 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | bloodfarts | 46% | 228 |
| #8 | II.Steez | 45% | 55 |
| #9 | The Wicked Wall | 45% | 147 |
| #10 | Qualliano | 44% | 122 |
| #11 | Floor Goblin | 41% | 217 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Wicked Wall | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | bloodfarts | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Qualliano | 9 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Floor Goblin | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Maximator | 5 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximator | 708 | 0.16 | 19 min |
| #2 | Solid Kuk | 350 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #3 | nikz | 302 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | bloodfarts | 289 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Floor Goblin | 198 | 0.04 | 5 min |





