








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1363 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1848 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3801 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3881 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $330,447 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 111 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Shelter | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | New boi lemon | 48% | 73 |
| #3 | Riot dog | 47% | 107 |
| #4 | Knight- | 47% | 43 |
| #5 | Gwumpy Shork | 45% | 289 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Knight- | 47% | 43 |
| #5 | Gwumpy Shork | 45% | 289 |
| #6 | Idaho Paratrooper | 39% | 28 |
| #7 | Toony | 38% | 100 |
| #8 | Ꝋ | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gwumpy Shork | 20 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Riot dog | 14 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | New boi lemon | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Toony | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | -Shelter | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toony | 118 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | Riot dog | 111 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gwumpy Shork | 86 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | -Shelter | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Knight- | 70 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gwumpy Shork | +4.57 | 75 | 28 |
| #2 | -Shelter | +3.53 | 67 | 55 |
| #3 | Idaho Paratrooper | +1.77 | 59 | 58 |
| #4 | Ꝋ | +0.65 | 67 | 35 |
| #5 | New boi lemon | -0.30 | 35 | 40 |





