








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 428 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3944 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,412 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2789 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4495 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 3197 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1931 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,598,673 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 335 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | New boi lemon | 62% | 86 |
| #2 | Gwumpy Shork | 55% | 379 |
| #3 | Riot dog | 52% | 229 |
| #4 | Idaho Paratrooper | 41% | 34 |
| #5 | Ꝋ | 40% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gwumpy Shork | 55% | 379 |
| #3 | Riot dog | 52% | 229 |
| #4 | Idaho Paratrooper | 41% | 34 |
| #5 | Ꝋ | 40% | 55 |
| #6 | Shark Bait | 38% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gwumpy Shork | 43 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Riot dog | 36 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | New boi lemon | 15 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | Ꝋ | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | Shark Bait | 7 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Riot dog | 146 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #2 | Shark Bait | 100 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gwumpy Shork | 97 | 0.01 | 2 min |
| #4 | Idaho Paratrooper | 63 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ꝋ | 50 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gwumpy Shork | +3.28 | 73 | 24 |
| #2 | Idaho Paratrooper | +1.34 | 63 | 56 |
| #3 | New boi lemon | +1.11 | 32 | 34 |
| #4 | Toony | +0.59 | 50 | 53 |
| #5 | Ꝋ | +0.40 | 67 | 49 |





