








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,461 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 326 | 4% |
| Smokes | 2219 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2510 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2406 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $446,523 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 186 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Idaho Paratrooper | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | Toony | 62% | 86 |
| #3 | Gwumpy Shork | 55% | 255 |
| #4 | Riot dog | 54% | 104 |
| #5 | Shark Bait | 48% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toony | 102 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | Google Sheets | 101 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | Shark Bait | 82 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Riot dog | 64 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gwumpy Shork | 60 | 0.01 | 1 min |





