








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 93 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2844 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,316 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1883 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1883 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1632 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1918 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $735,146 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hdzywOo | 65% | 83 |
| #2 | Cinder | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | Unsnappy | 62% | 61 |
| #4 | Richter | 62% | 102 |
| #5 | Zahzi | 59% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Evan | 51% | 77 |
| #9 | stm | 49% | 47 |
| #10 | eoN | 47% | 105 |
| #11 | aesor | 43% | 35 |
| #12 | Gab | 41% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freshly shitted underwear | 10 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | eoN | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | stm | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Zahzi | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Richter | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freshly shitted underwear | 432 | 0.31 | 11 min |
| #2 | eoN | 316 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Richter | 300 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #4 | Evan | 241 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | hdzywOo | 194 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinder | +3.15 | 89 | 59 |
| #2 | masor | +2.81 | 84 | 64 |
| #3 | Richter | +2.39 | 82 | 55 |
| #4 | eoN | +1.45 | 86 | 60 |
| #5 | Freshly shitted underwear | +0.71 | 79 | 62 |





