








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 486 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,731 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3707 | 35% |
| Smokes | 4184 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 606 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 2234 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,370,140 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 340 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Target | 43% | 86 |
| #8 | LITTER B㊉X | 43% | 274 |
| #9 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 42% | 234 |
| #10 | Bhein | 34% | 129 |
| #11 | DAD | 33% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LITTER B㊉X | 12 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Smokey the Bear | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | chirp | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | DAD | 6 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | [J]Mitch7 | 5 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chirp | 557 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 400 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | Smokey the Bear | 300 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #4 | [J]Mitch7 | 253 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | LITTER B㊉X | 232 | 0.04 | 5 min |





