








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2594 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,415 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2061 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1624 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 966 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1764 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $752,629 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smokey the Bear | 53% | 107 |
| #2 | Berkut | 51% | 37 |
| #3 | [J]Mitch7 | 49% | 72 |
| #4 | Boomhauer | 47% | 162 |
| #5 | LITTER B㊉X | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | LITTER B㊉X | 46% | 81 |
| #6 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 45% | 75 |
| #7 | t-bone | 43% | 53 |
| #8 | Bhein | 35% | 34 |
| #9 | Target | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Berkut | 5 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | t-bone | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Smokey the Bear | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | LITTER B㊉X | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 447 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | [J]Mitch7 | 143 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 113 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Smokey the Bear | 93 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | LITTER B㊉X | 62 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chirp | +2.69 | 80 | 70 |
| #2 | Boomhauer | +1.27 | 59 | 54 |
| #3 | [J]Mitch7 | +0.63 | 52 | 60 |
| #4 | Smokey the Bear | -1.13 | 66 | 65 |
| #5 | t-bone | -1.64 | 28 | 51 |





