








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 232 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1994 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,986 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1616 | 18% |
| Smokes | 452 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 3448 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 3470 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,695 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Boomhauer | 43% | 274 |
| #8 | Target | 40% | 86 |
| #9 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 40% | 215 |
| #10 | Bhein | 33% | 111 |
| #11 | DAD | 27% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Smokey the Bear | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | t-bone | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Target | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 813 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #2 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 373 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | chirp | 302 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | Smokey the Bear | 216 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #5 | [J]Mitch7 | 136 | 0.10 | 3 min |





