








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 301 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 315 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,923 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2299 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4642 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4602 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2380 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,075,401 of utility $217 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 454 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Target | 47% | 105 |
| #9 | LITTER B㊉X | 43% | 235 |
| #10 | Bhein | 42% | 190 |
| #11 | Melvin | 39% | 23 |
| #12 | DAD | 35% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LITTER B㊉X | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Boomhauer | 11 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | chirp | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | DAD | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 4 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 873 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #2 | chirp | 354 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 325 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | LITTER B㊉X | 213 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | Bhein | 196 | 0.05 | 5 min |





