








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
580 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 79 | 7% |
| Smokes | 338 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 433 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 215 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $305,472 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zfunk | 67% | 30 |
| #2 | Da Gaming Jokerrr... | 65% | 17 |
| #3 | Swordfish 13 | 60% | 42 |
| #4 | tyo | 55% | 73 |
| #5 | jord | 54% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jimmy D Fried | 50% | 64 |
| #7 | lenticular | 46% | 28 |
| #8 | KohZe | 33% | 6 |
| #9 | Mo2 | 25% | 8 |
| #10 | Jbubz | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jord | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | tyo | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Jimmy D Fried | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | Swordfish 13 | 5 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Zfunk | 4 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jord | 378 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jimmy D Fried | 176 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | tyo | 98 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Swordfish 13 | 98 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zfunk | 94 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Da Gaming Jokerrr... | +7.83 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | Mo2 | +6.91 | 94 | 62 |
| #3 | lenticular | +4.10 | 76 | 34 |
| #4 | jord | +2.62 | 64 | 67 |
| #5 | Zfunk | +2.43 | 72 | 62 |





