








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1746 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1560 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1093 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1303 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 733 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $633,019 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noname | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | nosaj | 56% | 52 |
| #3 | RGriffer | 55% | 49 |
| #4 | Pnathan | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | Chad Ryan | 52% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Beans, gentlemen | 52% | 95 |
| #7 | Anger | 48% | 27 |
| #8 | Yung Tax Evasion | 48% | 94 |
| #9 | bren | 37% | 46 |
| #10 | infinity ☾ | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | infinity ☾ | 7 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Beans, gentlemen | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Yung Tax Evasion | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Chad Ryan | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Noname | 3 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad Ryan | 559 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | Yung Tax Evasion | 323 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Beans, gentlemen | 214 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | RGriffer | 202 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #5 | nosaj | 153 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad Ryan | +3.37 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | Noname | +2.56 | 77 | 48 |
| #3 | RGriffer | +0.65 | 62 | 69 |
| #4 | Yung Tax Evasion | -0.08 | 72 | 53 |
| #5 | nosaj | -0.57 | 61 | 66 |





