








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1372 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,309 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1107 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1787 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1210 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1205 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $388,578 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Earl Haig ツ | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | chronark | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | Chill Beavar | 62% | 39 |
| #4 | cM | 60% | 63 |
| #5 | Leinaas | 50% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Leinaas | 50% | 101 |
| #6 | sl0v | 50% | 8 |
| #7 | fshow | 49% | 93 |
| #8 | jrMathletics | 45% | 38 |
| #9 | Buttleif | 38% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Leinaas | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | cM | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | jrMathletics | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Earl Haig ツ | 1 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fshow | 194 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Leinaas | 102 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | chronark | 89 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Buttleif | 80 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | cM | 57 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chronark | +4.05 | 73 | 78 |
| #2 | Earl Haig ツ | +3.01 | 67 | 74 |
| #3 | sl0v | +1.83 | 82 | 56 |
| #4 | Spongefish | +1.52 | 78 | 65 |
| #5 | fshow | +1.09 | 63 | 73 |





