








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 630 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 504 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6655 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4453 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4807 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5529 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2790 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,969,331 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 68% | 75 |
| #2 | Corn | 51% | 109 |
| #3 | PrimZe | 51% | 95 |
| #4 | Bugz | 49% | 94 |
| #5 | A4YM | 48% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Corn | 51% | 109 |
| #3 | PrimZe | 51% | 95 |
| #4 | Bugz | 49% | 94 |
| #5 | A4YM | 48% | 42 |
| #6 | jar jar blinks | 46% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bugz | 11 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Corn | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | jar jar blinks | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | A4YM | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 596 | 0.38 | 16 min |
| #2 | Corn | 333 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #3 | PrimZe | 288 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #4 | Bugz | 131 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | A4YM | 103 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | +4.36 | 78 | 72 |
| #2 | Spanky wit da Glock | +0.25 | 67 | 60 |
| #3 | PrimZe | -0.06 | 60 | 60 |
| #4 | Corn | -0.94 | 46 | 64 |
| #5 | A4YM | -1.63 | 49 | 53 |





