








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 82 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
954 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,236 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1507 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1060 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 649 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1020 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $335,721 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.Darren | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | Spanky wit da Glock | 51% | 109 |
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | A4YM | 50% | 16 |
| #5 | Bugz | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | A4YM | 50% | 16 |
| #5 | Bugz | 45% | 31 |
| #6 | PrimZe | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | jar jar blinks | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.Darren | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Bugz | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Spanky wit da Glock | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spanky wit da Glock | 186 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | HCB.Darren | 116 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 51 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #4 | Bugz | 45 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | A4YM | 42 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | +8.16 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | HCB.Darren | +4.78 | 80 | 65 |
| #3 | Spanky wit da Glock | +1.41 | 68 | 62 |
| #4 | PrimZe | -0.05 | 56 | 59 |
| #5 | Corn | -1.01 | 45 | 63 |





