








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 368 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,074 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3866 | 43% |
| Smokes | 2139 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1536 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1533 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,582 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 699 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spanky wit da Glock | 68% | 75 |
| #2 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 68% | 117 |
| #3 | jar jar blinks | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Ollie Cherpussie | 57% | 65 |
| #5 | A4YM | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spanky wit da Glock | 68% | 75 |
| #2 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 68% | 117 |
| #3 | jar jar blinks | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Ollie Cherpussie | 57% | 65 |
| #5 | A4YM | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Ollie Cherpussie | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 362 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Ollie Cherpussie | 214 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | Spanky wit da Glock | 191 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | A4YM | 36 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | jar jar blinks | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | +4.93 | 91 | 54 |
| #2 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | +3.76 | 79 | 70 |
| #3 | Spanky wit da Glock | -0.55 | 67 | 58 |
| #4 | Ollie Cherpussie | -2.05 | 78 | 58 |
| #5 | A4YM | -3.39 | 51 | 57 |





