








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,389 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 211 | 15% |
| Smokes | 398 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 529 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 251 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,729 of utility $249 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.Darren | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | PrimZe | 75% | 20 |
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Spanky wit da Glock | 46% | 69 |
| #5 | Bugz | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spanky wit da Glock | 132 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 91 | 0.39 | 3 min |
| #3 | PrimZe | 54 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Corn | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | HCB.Darren | 35 | 0.40 | 0 min |





