








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 112 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1285 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,095 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1520 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1255 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 628 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 692 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,133 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | jar jar blinks | 75% | 20 |
| #3 | A4YM | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | HCB.Darren | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | Spanky wit da Glock | 51% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | A4YM | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | HCB.Darren | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | Spanky wit da Glock | 51% | 95 |
| #6 | Corn | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | Bugz | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 2 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Spanky wit da Glock | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Bugz | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | jar jar blinks | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | HCB.Darren | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spanky wit da Glock | 196 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 76 | 0.46 | 2 min |
| #3 | HCB.Darren | 68 | 0.35 | 1 min |
| #4 | Corn | 43 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bugz | 32 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | +8.20 | 82 | 68 |
| #2 | HCB.Darren | +4.65 | 78 | 56 |
| #3 | Spanky wit da Glock | +0.89 | 67 | 62 |
| #4 | PrimZe | +0.16 | 60 | 60 |
| #5 | Corn | -0.42 | 47 | 68 |





