








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 375 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 279 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




128 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,227 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4292 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3096 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3366 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3473 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $575,414 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3070 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fuyu | 61% | 36 |
| #2 | lucida | 59% | 39 |
| #3 | MR MEE6 | 59% | 41 |
| #4 | brooding in their castle | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | 猎刚猪 | 52% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | ADOLF STALIN!! | 37% | 43 |
| #15 | Schwäble-Bub | 36% | 42 |
| #16 | LightZ | 33% | 27 |
| #17 | BabaYoga𐂃𐂃 | 31% | 58 |
| #18 | xXxpoosislayerxXxZ | 30% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schwäble-Bub | 24 | 0.0280 |
| #2 | BabaYoga𐂃𐂃 | 23 | 0.0193 |
| #3 | MR MEE6 | 13 | 0.0157 |
| #4 | adrianzuno | 13 | 0.0217 |
| #5 | Sleepin.ponyo | 12 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 猎刚猪 | 319 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | BabaYoga𐂃𐂃 | 252 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | Sleepin.ponyo | 194 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | lucida | 139 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | LightZ | 107 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White Meat𐂃 | +3.37 | 66 | 74 |
| #2 | MR MEE6 | +1.78 | 66 | 58 |
| #3 | BabaYoga𐂃𐂃 | +1.76 | 87 | 60 |
| #4 | yuqs | +1.53 | 80 | 59 |
| #5 | Schwäble-Bub | +1.34 | 63 | 49 |





