








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 159 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 46 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
886 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,903 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 781 | 27% |
| Smokes | 795 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 865 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 462 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $304,005 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meloNis | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Bestevenn | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Biff-Slegga | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Bjakken | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bjakken | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 44% | 18 |
| #6 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 44% | 78 |
| #7 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 38% | 47 |
| #8 | Ostekake! ャ | 38% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ostekake! ャ | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Bestevenn | 3 | 0.0140 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | meloNis | 1 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 150 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ostekake! ャ | 73 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 23 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bestevenn | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meloNis | +3.98 | 65 | 58 |
| #2 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +1.82 | 79 | 56 |
| #3 | Frænk | +1.70 | 59 | 64 |
| #4 | Bjakken | +0.50 | 77 | 21 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | -0.01 | 50 | 60 |





