








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 688 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 199 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Esplay | 18 matches | 1,745 | |
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3067 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,931 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6258 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3280 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3759 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2634 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $582,820 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 44 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | β Stokkis γ
| 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Desiigexe | 65% | 37 |
| #3 | β
π
΅π
Έπ
½π
΄π
Έπ
³π
΄ | 55% | 110 |
| #4 | Gaarder | 54% | 85 |
| #5 | coach sjaman | 54% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BastarD | 846 | 0.16 | 25 min |
| #2 | faceit level 3 player | 679 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #3 | GjertseN | 598 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #4 | β
π
΅π
Έπ
½π
΄π
Έπ
³π
΄ | 348 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #5 | Gaarder | 230 | 0.12 | 6 min |





