








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,848 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 801 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1558 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1394 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1095 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $360,761 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smokey the Bear | 47% | 105 |
| #2 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 46% | 59 |
| #3 | [J]Mitch7 | 44% | 27 |
| #4 | Bhein | 43% | 60 |
| #5 | Boomhauer | 43% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | LITTER B㊉X | 40% | 86 |
| #7 | t-bone | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | Melvin | 33% | 9 |
| #9 | chirp | 23% | 13 |
| #10 | DAD | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smokey the Bear | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | DAD | 3 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | LITTER B㊉X | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Bhein | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boomhauer | 244 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | Angry B♿b R♿ss | 106 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Smokey the Bear | 101 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | LITTER B㊉X | 82 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | [J]Mitch7 | 53 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chirp | +2.67 | 75 | 73 |
| #2 | Boomhauer | +2.20 | 59 | 54 |
| #3 | [J]Mitch7 | +0.79 | 54 | 55 |
| #4 | Bhein | -0.15 | 51 | 51 |
| #5 | Smokey the Bear | -0.21 | 62 | 63 |





