








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,297 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3221 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4818 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2102 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3156 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,027,978 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 296 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crippin | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | Blaze | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | KEBAB ENJOYER | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | sugarfreeredbull | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | Mateusz | 49% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Gabehasbongo | 45% | 33 |
| #12 | Weirdy Strangey | 42% | 73 |
| #13 | ✪Steve | 40% | 25 |
| #14 | Jason Waterfalls | 36% | 28 |
| #15 | Mai | 29% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Weirdy Strangey | 11 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Mateusz | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Jorbon | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵘᵖˢ | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | 6 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mateusz | 951 | 0.39 | 27 min |
| #2 | Jorbon | 426 | 0.32 | 13 min |
| #3 | ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵘᵖˢ | 375 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Crippin | 339 | 0.40 | 9 min |
| #5 | ORBON | 323 | 0.33 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | +2.91 | 72 | 48 |
| #2 | Gabehasbongo | +2.60 | 77 | 63 |
| #3 | KEBAB ENJOYER | +2.44 | 65 | 87 |
| #4 | Mateusz | +2.28 | 65 | 85 |
| #5 | ORBON | +2.27 | 56 | 90 |





