








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 210 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 197 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,538 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2762 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2861 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2725 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3190 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,512 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 365 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blaze | 59% | 37 |
| #2 | ORBON | 57% | 61 |
| #3 | KEBAB ENJOYER | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | Crippin | 52% | 42 |
| #5 | Jorbon | 52% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Daniel Chadcliffe | 47% | 38 |
| #8 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | 46% | 69 |
| #9 | Oda Nobunaga | 46% | 134 |
| #10 | Mai | 41% | 27 |
| #11 | Jason Waterfalls | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | 12 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | Oda Nobunaga | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Mateusz | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Jorbon | 7 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Blaze | 7 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mateusz | 957 | 0.39 | 25 min |
| #2 | Jorbon | 613 | 0.38 | 17 min |
| #3 | ORBON | 473 | 0.36 | 14 min |
| #4 | Oda Nobunaga | 355 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #5 | Crippin | 320 | 0.39 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KEBAB ENJOYER | +3.17 | 63 | 87 |
| #2 | Mateusz | +2.59 | 64 | 86 |
| #3 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | +2.45 | 75 | 46 |
| #4 | ORBON | +1.70 | 50 | 87 |
| #5 | Blaze | +1.52 | 82 | 56 |





