








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
998 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,711 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 812 | 30% |
| Smokes | 381 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 934 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 584 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $314,790 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | dis is y im hot u aint cuz u not | 44% | 25 |
| #9 | Blainezy | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | Medik | 43% | 28 |
| #11 | Sora 空 | 41% | 59 |
| #12 | John Globson | 32% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OhJay | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Sora 空 | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | baker | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓽𝔂 ᴍ4ᴋ | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | WDT | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Globson | 214 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | Sora 空 | 145 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | OhJay | 88 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | dis is y im hot u aint cuz u not | 86 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓽𝔂 ᴍ4ᴋ | 69 | 0.16 | 1 min |





