








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 127 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1762 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,523 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1145 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2018 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 921 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1439 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $861,518 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ AToN ツ | 85% | 13 |
| #2 | Endac | 61% | 41 |
| #3 | Astinox | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | ROnn¥♛Ca$h | 57% | 37 |
| #5 | Chair-No-Bill | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strikey | 6 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Murphy | 5 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Noizz | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | ROnn¥♛Ca$h | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Chair-No-Bill | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noizz | 200 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #2 | Strikey | 109 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Endac | 94 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | ROnn¥♛Ca$h | 93 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | DJAima | 87 | 0.06 | 3 min |





