








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
991 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,404 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 795 | 23% |
| Smokes | 737 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 986 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 886 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $235,002 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yonji | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | Gibby | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | max | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | DeathGrip | 64% | 14 |
| #5 | ANUSOL | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | espresso martini | 9 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | yonji | 6 | 0.0275 |
| #3 | tkefni | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | ANUSOL | 4 | 0.0392 |
| #5 | KISMAAHHH | 3 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tkefni | 349 | 0.29 | 11 min |
| #2 | KISMAAHHH | 97 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | espresso martini | 79 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Willy Mcdougall | 55 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | gimp | 53 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JR | +2.88 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | Gibby | +1.96 | 81 | 60 |
| #3 | espresso martini | +1.39 | 88 | 62 |
| #4 | yonji | +1.14 | 78 | 69 |
| #5 | max | +1.13 | 86 | 47 |





