








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Faceit | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,253 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2866 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2987 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1098 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2302 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,393,045 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 665 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ustick | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | JakeAK | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | ionic | 55% | 65 |
| #4 | Volund | 54% | 37 |
| #5 | takeru | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | bruh | 50% | 26 |
| #8 | Dogg27 #TRUMP2024 | 48% | 50 |
| #9 | PooKy2SpooKy | 46% | 26 |
| #10 | hEN3SY | 44% | 18 |
| #11 | Satsujin | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dogg27 #TRUMP2024 | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Madbeetle | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | JakeAK | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | ustick | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | PooKy2SpooKy | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Madbeetle | 217 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | ustick | 162 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #3 | bruh | 141 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #4 | ionic | 132 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dogg27 #TRUMP2024 | 122 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JakeAK | +1.68 | 79 | 57 |
| #2 | ionic | +1.56 | 87 | 64 |
| #3 | hEN3SY | +0.84 | 95 | 41 |
| #4 | j4son | +0.75 | 75 | 62 |
| #5 | Satsujin | +0.74 | 78 | 71 |





