










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
679 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 426 | 22% |
| Smokes | 649 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 367 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $284,287 of utility $229 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 278 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick and Balls | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Hyperion | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Harlequin | 65% | 26 |
| #4 | Hooman | 62% | 21 |
| #5 | s4k | 55% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hooman | 62% | 21 |
| #5 | s4k | 55% | 65 |
| #6 | Dwcollier | 0% | 4 |
| #7 | LuV_Anarchy | 0% | 4 |
| #8 | Elixir | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4k | 12 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | Dick and Balls | 10 | 0.0293 |
| #3 | Hooman | 6 | 0.0163 |
| #4 | Harlequin | 5 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | Dwcollier | 3 | 0.0353 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4k | 112 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Harlequin | 82 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dick and Balls | 41 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hooman | 34 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Hyperion | 30 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melvin 2.0 | +5.41 | 83 | 54 |
| #2 | Dick and Balls | +3.53 | 85 | 49 |
| #3 | Hyperion | +3.44 | 37 | 60 |
| #4 | Harlequin | +2.19 | 60 | 72 |
| #5 | Hooman | +0.48 | 81 | 23 |





