










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
980 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,325 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 258 | 19% |
| Smokes | 246 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 494 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 327 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,513 of utility $345 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Melvin 2.0 | 62% | 21 |
| #6 | Dick and Balls | 61% | 51 |
| #7 | PiggyPlayz | 60% | 5 |
| #8 | s4k | 60% | 57 |
| #9 | melvin | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick and Balls | 23 | 0.0234 |
| #2 | Melvin 2.0 | 11 | 0.0298 |
| #3 | s4k | 10 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | Hyperion | 10 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | melvin | 9 | 0.0192 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hyperion | 143 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | s4k | 142 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Harlequin | 111 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | Dick and Balls | 98 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | melvin | 98 | 0.21 | 2 min |





