










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
818 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,886 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 758 | 26% |
| Smokes | 850 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 632 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 646 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $229,316 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick and Balls | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | Hooman | 65% | 26 |
| #3 | Melvin 2.0 | 65% | 26 |
| #4 | s4k | 64% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick and Balls | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | Hooman | 65% | 26 |
| #3 | Melvin 2.0 | 65% | 26 |
| #4 | s4k | 64% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melvin 2.0 | 16 | 0.0335 |
| #2 | Dick and Balls | 11 | 0.0322 |
| #3 | Hooman | 9 | 0.0176 |
| #4 | s4k | 7 | 0.0100 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melvin 2.0 | 97 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | s4k | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Hooman | 38 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Dick and Balls | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harlequin | +5.56 | 68 | 77 |
| #2 | Melvin 2.0 | +3.16 | 85 | 63 |
| #3 | Dick and Balls | +1.98 | 82 | 47 |
| #4 | Hooman | +1.86 | 77 | 30 |
| #5 | s4k | -4.27 | 9 | 28 |





