








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 621 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 108 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
977 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,908 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1079 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1210 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1032 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1587 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,191,791 of utility $229 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harlequin | 64% | 36 |
| #2 | Hyperion | 60% | 67 |
| #3 | Hooman | 60% | 57 |
| #4 | melvin | 59% | 61 |
| #5 | Dick and Balls | 59% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | THE HAT MAN | 56% | 66 |
| #7 | Dwcollier | 56% | 50 |
| #8 | Melvin 2.0 | 55% | 65 |
| #9 | Elixir | 53% | 43 |
| #10 | LuV_Anarchy | 42% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE HAT MAN | 28 | 0.0215 |
| #2 | Melvin 2.0 | 28 | 0.0232 |
| #3 | Dwcollier | 19 | 0.0188 |
| #4 | Hooman | 18 | 0.0165 |
| #5 | Dick and Balls | 17 | 0.0224 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hyperion | 225 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | Melvin 2.0 | 188 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | melvin | 187 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | THE HAT MAN | 165 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Harlequin | 126 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melvin 2.0 | +5.57 | 83 | 54 |
| #2 | LuV_Anarchy | +4.74 | 75 | 65 |
| #3 | Dwcollier | +3.40 | 72 | 32 |
| #4 | Hyperion | +3.37 | 63 | 63 |
| #5 | Harlequin | +3.22 | 61 | 69 |





