








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1109 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




97 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4039 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,517 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2487 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1767 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3089 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3174 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,744,150 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1194 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | feeling cute, might delete later | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | sin | 54% | 208 |
| #3 | john chinaman | 53% | 285 |
| #4 | dr. respect | 50% | 419 |
| #5 | eug | 50% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | john chinaman | 53% | 285 |
| #4 | dr. respect | 50% | 419 |
| #5 | eug | 50% | 92 |
| #6 | zoowee | 46% | 113 |
| #7 | mando | 34% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 80 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | john chinaman | 62 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | sin | 26 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | zoowee | 24 | 0.0101 |
| #5 | mando | 22 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 984 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #2 | john chinaman | 646 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #3 | sin | 443 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | eug | 359 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #5 | mando | 110 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | your wifes boyfriend | +1.86 | 56 | 43 |
| #2 | zoowee | +0.58 | 46 | 32 |
| #3 | dr. respect | +0.05 | 43 | 57 |
| #4 | eug | +0.02 | 71 | 58 |
| #5 | feeling cute, might delete later | -0.01 | 54 | 38 |





