








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 500 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 570 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




119 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5487 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,599 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3843 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1006 | 9% |
| HE Grenades | 3782 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1968 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $905,247 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 439 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | your wifes boyfriend | 53% | 285 |
| #2 | feeling cute, might delete later | 52% | 48 |
| #3 | sin | 52% | 161 |
| #4 | eug | 51% | 89 |
| #5 | gary | 50% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | dr. respect | 48% | 540 |
| #8 | zoowee | 47% | 123 |
| #9 | Wholesomebanks | 46% | 149 |
| #10 | fortnite | 44% | 70 |
| #11 | mando | 41% | 165 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 87 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | your wifes boyfriend | 54 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | mando | 33 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | zoowee | 26 | 0.0099 |
| #5 | Wholesomebanks | 22 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 1344 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | your wifes boyfriend | 530 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | eug | 379 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #4 | sin | 360 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | Wholesomebanks | 353 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | your wifes boyfriend | +1.66 | 56 | 43 |
| #2 | zoowee | +0.95 | 48 | 38 |
| #3 | feeling cute, might delete later | +0.83 | 49 | 46 |
| #4 | fortnite | +0.58 | 36 | 41 |
| #5 | gary | +0.54 | 59 | 36 |





