








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 872 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 488 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4586 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3128 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3179 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2463 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3313 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,089,864 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5772 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | your wifes boyfriend | 54% | 208 |
| #2 | eug | 53% | 165 |
| #3 | zoowee | 53% | 40 |
| #4 | dr. respect | 52% | 405 |
| #5 | john chinaman | 52% | 161 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | dr. respect | 52% | 405 |
| #5 | john chinaman | 52% | 161 |
| #6 | fortnite | 51% | 51 |
| #7 | Wholesomebanks | 50% | 44 |
| #8 | mando | 45% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 60 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | your wifes boyfriend | 34 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | john chinaman | 26 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | fortnite | 17 | 0.0154 |
| #5 | eug | 11 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 887 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #2 | eug | 656 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #3 | john chinaman | 395 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | your wifes boyfriend | 351 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #5 | Wholesomebanks | 96 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | your wifes boyfriend | +1.78 | 59 | 43 |
| #2 | zoowee | +0.98 | 50 | 31 |
| #3 | eug | +0.70 | 72 | 63 |
| #4 | dr. respect | +0.21 | 44 | 59 |
| #5 | sin | +0.05 | 54 | 37 |





