








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1007 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 508 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5760 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,797 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1760 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3785 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5789 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 3463 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,936,931 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | misschf29 | 52% | 632 |
| #2 | femboy | 51% | 410 |
| #3 | softest hands | 48% | 77 |
| #4 | CumOnTits | 47% | 288 |
| #5 | AJ | 44% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | femboy | 51% | 410 |
| #3 | softest hands | 48% | 77 |
| #4 | CumOnTits | 47% | 288 |
| #5 | AJ | 44% | 109 |
| #6 | MuscleRelaxerDan | 36% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 26 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | CumOnTits | 22 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | misschf29 | 19 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | softest hands | 13 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | AJ | 5 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 1369 | 0.16 | 35 min |
| #2 | CumOnTits | 684 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | misschf29 | 591 | 0.05 | 14 min |
| #4 | AJ | 214 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | softest hands | 190 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | +3.64 | 64 | 65 |
| #2 | misschf29 | +2.19 | 61 | 42 |
| #3 | AJ | +1.03 | 62 | 51 |
| #4 | CumOnTits | +0.38 | 44 | 50 |
| #5 | softest hands | -1.06 | 35 | 54 |





