








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1311 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 405 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7389 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,142 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2415 | 13% |
| Smokes | 6020 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 5969 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 3738 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,833,984 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mouse6162142 | 54% | 102 |
| #2 | BEERCAN | 52% | 632 |
| #3 | femboy | 52% | 384 |
| #4 | CumOnTits | 49% | 277 |
| #5 | AJ | 46% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | CumOnTits | 49% | 277 |
| #5 | AJ | 46% | 103 |
| #6 | softest hands | 41% | 76 |
| #7 | Asad | 39% | 46 |
| #8 | MuscleRelaxerDan | 35% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CumOnTits | 27 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | femboy | 22 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | softest hands | 18 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | BEERCAN | 15 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Mouse6162142 | 7 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 1190 | 0.15 | 29 min |
| #2 | CumOnTits | 624 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | BEERCAN | 238 | 0.02 | 5 min |
| #4 | Mouse6162142 | 238 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | AJ | 202 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mouse6162142 | +5.42 | 86 | 51 |
| #2 | femboy | +3.04 | 64 | 62 |
| #3 | misschf29 | +1.84 | 62 | 42 |
| #4 | Asad | +0.95 | 64 | 47 |
| #5 | AJ | +0.75 | 61 | 49 |





