








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,053 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6905 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3549 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4477 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4122 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,043,589 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lobs | 61% | 62 |
| #2 | wittle baby | 60% | 85 |
| #3 | Jonathan Thurston | 57% | 247 |
| #4 | PizzaDog | 56% | 41 |
| #5 | rodney | 55% | 216 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | wittle baby | 60% | 85 |
| #3 | Jonathan Thurston | 57% | 247 |
| #4 | PizzaDog | 56% | 41 |
| #5 | rodney | 55% | 216 |
| #6 | Smelvin | 43% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rodney | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Smelvin | 9 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | wittle baby | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | PizzaDog | 6 | 0.0072 |
| #5 | lobs | 4 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rodney | 690 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #2 | wittle baby | 259 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Jonathan Thurston | 254 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | lobs | 209 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | Smelvin | 126 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wittle baby | +3.83 | 84 | 70 |
| #2 | lobs | +3.44 | 78 | 57 |
| #3 | rodney | +1.26 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | Jonathan Thurston | +1.04 | 68 | 52 |
| #5 | Corndog | -0.60 | 64 | 68 |





