








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2165 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2541 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2755 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1641 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1951 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $343,518 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smelvin | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | rodney | 61% | 145 |
| #3 | lobs | 61% | 49 |
| #4 | Corndog | 60% | 85 |
| #5 | Jonathan Thurston | 58% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smelvin | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | rodney | 61% | 145 |
| #3 | lobs | 61% | 49 |
| #4 | Corndog | 60% | 85 |
| #5 | Jonathan Thurston | 58% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rodney | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Jonathan Thurston | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | lobs | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Corndog | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rodney | 450 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Corndog | 382 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #3 | lobs | 162 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jonathan Thurston | 108 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Smelvin | 44 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wittle baby | +3.68 | 82 | 72 |
| #2 | lobs | +2.74 | 76 | 56 |
| #3 | rodney | +1.52 | 78 | 53 |
| #4 | Jonathan Thurston | -0.97 | 65 | 42 |
| #5 | Corndog | -1.64 | 66 | 67 |





