








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 390 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 96 matches | ||
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4881 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,356 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4501 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3613 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1947 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 3295 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $916,421 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wittle baby | 61% | 145 |
| #2 | lobs | 58% | 79 |
| #3 | Corndog | 55% | 216 |
| #4 | Smelvin | 54% | 61 |
| #5 | chill baby | 53% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Corndog | 55% | 216 |
| #4 | Smelvin | 54% | 61 |
| #5 | chill baby | 53% | 30 |
| #6 | Jonathan Thurston | 53% | 330 |
| #7 | PizzaDog | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wittle baby | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Jonathan Thurston | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Smelvin | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Corndog | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | lobs | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Corndog | 889 | 0.21 | 21 min |
| #2 | wittle baby | 524 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #3 | Jonathan Thurston | 364 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | lobs | 287 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #5 | Smelvin | 120 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wittle baby | +3.75 | 84 | 72 |
| #2 | lobs | +2.77 | 79 | 57 |
| #3 | rodney | +1.31 | 75 | 52 |
| #4 | Jonathan Thurston | +0.68 | 64 | 46 |
| #5 | Corndog | -1.41 | 64 | 65 |





