








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 306 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
664 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,169 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1523 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1291 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1393 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 962 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $485,583 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 252 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sillyfella | 40% | 134 |
| #2 | CashCowKai | 39% | 38 |
| #3 | MattG | 39% | 135 |
| #4 | Cornbread | 33% | 42 |
| #5 | Regis Philbin | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sillyfella | 40% | 134 |
| #2 | CashCowKai | 39% | 38 |
| #3 | MattG | 39% | 135 |
| #4 | Cornbread | 33% | 42 |
| #5 | Regis Philbin | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Sillyfella | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Cornbread | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | CashCowKai | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Regis Philbin | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 657 | 0.24 | 17 min |
| #2 | Sillyfella | 158 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Regis Philbin | 155 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | CashCowKai | 132 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Cornbread | 113 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Regis Philbin | +3.99 | 58 | 61 |
| #2 | MattG | +2.27 | 51 | 69 |
| #3 | Cornbread | +2.00 | 40 | 45 |
| #4 | CashCowKai | -0.09 | 23 | 51 |
| #5 | Sillyfella | -0.47 | 32 | 39 |





