










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 474 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1953 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,060 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2652 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1560 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1731 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1117 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $753,884 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | buhday | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | Sillyfella | 46% | 228 |
| #3 | Jawn | 45% | 33 |
| #4 | MattG | 45% | 257 |
| #5 | Cornbread | 44% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jawn | 45% | 33 |
| #4 | MattG | 45% | 257 |
| #5 | Cornbread | 44% | 108 |
| #6 | Regis Philbin | 41% | 54 |
| #7 | numb3r5 | 39% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 15 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Cornbread | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Regis Philbin | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Sillyfella | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Jawn | 3 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 1303 | 0.24 | 33 min |
| #2 | Sillyfella | 315 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | Regis Philbin | 250 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cornbread | 232 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Jawn | 177 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Regis Philbin | +2.74 | 55 | 61 |
| #2 | Jawn | +1.56 | 73 | 67 |
| #3 | Cornbread | +1.53 | 42 | 49 |
| #4 | buhday | +1.00 | 71 | 62 |
| #5 | MattG | +0.65 | 49 | 69 |





