








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 782 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 151 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6566 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,029 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12618 | 32% |
| Smokes | 8179 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 11303 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 7929 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,126,375 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1362 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sillyfella | 48% | 630 |
| #2 | Jawn | 47% | 109 |
| #3 | CashCowKai | 45% | 257 |
| #4 | Regis Philbin | 43% | 123 |
| #5 | Cornbread | 42% | 212 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jawn | 47% | 109 |
| #3 | CashCowKai | 45% | 257 |
| #4 | Regis Philbin | 43% | 123 |
| #5 | Cornbread | 42% | 212 |
| #6 | numb3r5 | 39% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CashCowKai | 17 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Cornbread | 16 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Sillyfella | 13 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Regis Philbin | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Jawn | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CashCowKai | 815 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #2 | Sillyfella | 734 | 0.05 | 19 min |
| #3 | Regis Philbin | 545 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #4 | Jawn | 529 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #5 | numb3r5 | 439 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Regis Philbin | +2.88 | 57 | 62 |
| #2 | Cornbread | +1.17 | 46 | 46 |
| #3 | Jawn | +1.10 | 68 | 61 |
| #4 | MattG | +0.80 | 51 | 66 |
| #5 | CashCowKai | -0.77 | 33 | 50 |





