










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1078 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 586 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3950 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,012 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1842 | 13% |
| Smokes | 7373 | 53% |
| HE Grenades | 3930 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 867 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,279,719 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 336 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | buhday | 57% | 35 |
| #2 | MattG | 48% | 630 |
| #3 | Jawn | 47% | 96 |
| #4 | CashCowKai | 46% | 228 |
| #5 | Regis Philbin | 41% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jawn | 47% | 96 |
| #4 | CashCowKai | 46% | 228 |
| #5 | Regis Philbin | 41% | 105 |
| #6 | numb3r5 | 40% | 134 |
| #7 | Cornbread | 40% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 41 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | CashCowKai | 15 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Cornbread | 14 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Regis Philbin | 10 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | numb3r5 | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MattG | 3277 | 0.25 | 85 min |
| #2 | CashCowKai | 750 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | Jawn | 487 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #4 | Regis Philbin | 486 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #5 | numb3r5 | 449 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Regis Philbin | +2.89 | 56 | 61 |
| #2 | Cornbread | +1.42 | 45 | 47 |
| #3 | Jawn | +1.36 | 68 | 60 |
| #4 | buhday | +1.28 | 71 | 63 |
| #5 | MattG | +1.17 | 51 | 67 |





