








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
779 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 761 | 32% |
| Smokes | 795 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 364 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 425 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $433,027 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | Jbush | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | Avada Balenciaga | 62% | 42 |
| #4 | Jim Carry | 58% | 50 |
| #5 | Good Demoman | 58% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Daddy | 53% | 15 |
| #11 | Top Dawg | 33% | 9 |
| #12 | The Seldom Seen Kid | 32% | 19 |
| #13 | Flex Luthor | 22% | 9 |
| #14 | Shit Ain't Nothin' to Me, Man | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fricken Oatmeal | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | FredEx2ez | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Avada Balenciaga | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | eepy | 2 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx2ez | 203 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 118 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Avada Balenciaga | 115 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Fricken Oatmeal | 82 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | FredEx | 81 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gooder Demoman | +2.87 | 76 | 55 |
| #2 | eepy | +2.45 | 79 | 53 |
| #3 | FredEx2ez | +1.58 | 47 | 53 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +0.42 | 50 | 42 |
| #5 | FredEx | +0.21 | 52 | 47 |





