










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 823 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 476 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 92 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6260 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,970 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5949 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6831 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4038 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4152 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,569,277 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1003 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Avada Balenciaga | 58% | 226 |
| #2 | Fricken Oatmeal | 57% | 233 |
| #3 | Jim Carry | 57% | 428 |
| #4 | FredEx | 56% | 643 |
| #5 | Udderly terrible | 56% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Slicedbread | 54% | 318 |
| #7 | K1ngBurrito | 52% | 67 |
| #8 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 52% | 376 |
| #9 | gtv | 50% | 165 |
| #10 | fent fairy | 49% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 20 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 15 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Fricken Oatmeal | 14 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 12 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 11 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 2066 | 0.15 | 51 min |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 1112 | 0.13 | 23 min |
| #3 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 566 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #4 | Slicedbread | 494 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 493 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +3.14 | 84 | 57 |
| #2 | Udderly terrible | +1.22 | 63 | 44 |
| #3 | fent fairy | +0.59 | 66 | 56 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | -0.21 | 65 | 46 |
| #5 | FredEx | -0.30 | 52 | 51 |





