








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 224 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 352 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2484 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3999 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1348 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 2704 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,009,574 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 210 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx2ez | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | Avada Balenciaga | 53% | 149 |
| #3 | eepy | 52% | 376 |
| #4 | Jim Carry | 52% | 266 |
| #5 | FredEx | 48% | 378 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Fricken Oatmeal | 47% | 121 |
| #7 | Slicedbread | 45% | 186 |
| #8 | gtv | 42% | 114 |
| #9 | Udderly terrible | 37% | 30 |
| #10 | fent fairy | 28% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 14 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | gtv | 9 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Fricken Oatmeal | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Jim Carry | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 4 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 1429 | 0.18 | 35 min |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 771 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #3 | eepy | 462 | 0.06 | 13 min |
| #4 | Avada Balenciaga | 425 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #5 | gtv | 301 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +2.59 | 84 | 60 |
| #2 | fent fairy | +0.27 | 70 | 61 |
| #3 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +0.12 | 65 | 45 |
| #4 | Udderly terrible | -0.06 | 61 | 47 |
| #5 | FredEx2ez | -0.09 | 52 | 53 |





